Toby Keith is a true wordsmith, but unfortunately for me, I found out this last week exactly how true his words are.

As you may have read in my last post, I celebrated my fortieth birthday.  To help me celebrate, a couple friends took me to a place called the “Tilted Kilt”, an establishment known for their drinks and their scantily clad waitresses.  Both of which I will personally attest to the drinks and the attire.

When we arrived, we were seated in the section that was waited by a very nice girl named Monique.  I started with a beer and an appetizer…  and that, so they say, was the beginning of the end.

I learned that night, that I cannot drink or party the way I did, say, twenty years ago.  In fact, after my evening was complete, I was glad that I did not drive… and I was glad that the guest bathroom was so close to the main entrance to my house.  To give you an idea of how bad it was, here is a list of the drinks that I had that evening, in no particular order.

1.  Four – Blue Moon Ales

2.  One – Red-Headed Slut (the drink, as far as I know.)

3.  Two – Scottish Orgasms

4.  One – Kamakazi

There was a time, many years ago, when I could walk into a bar, or a friends house and drink with the best of them.  I was a regular at such places like “John Bryant’s” or “Woody’s”, here in Bakersfield.  I can recall putting away as many as twelve beers and nine Kamikaze’s in one evening and waking up the next morning with little or no hang over.

When I made it home after this night of drinking, I was a mess.  My wife was the best, more than willing to clean up the mess I made while praying to Ralph at the porcelain throne.  Taking a moment or two to laugh at me in my moment of suffering and bring me my water and napkins when I needed them.

In the end, it took me a full day to recover and several glasses of water and a hand full of aspirin.

No… I am certainly not what I once was… but you know, who is?

Have I learned my lesson?  Probably not…

Will I do it again?  I will, of course, say no.  But in ten years, who is to say.  You only turn fifty once.

The Tilted Kilt is a great place to hang out and I plan to go there from time to time.

One thing I did learn from this experience is that I need to go hang out at places like this more often.  Not to get drunk, but just to have fun and hang out.

Happy drinking and happy living, all!