Toby Keith is a true wordsmith, but unfortunately for me, I found out this last week exactly how true his words are.
As you may have read in my last post, I celebrated my fortieth birthday. To help me celebrate, a couple friends took me to a place called the “Tilted Kilt”, an establishment known for their drinks and their scantily clad waitresses. Both of which I will personally attest to the drinks and the attire.
When we arrived, we were seated in the section that was waited by a very nice girl named Monique. I started with a beer and an appetizer… and that, so they say, was the beginning of the end.
I learned that night, that I cannot drink or party the way I did, say, twenty years ago. In fact, after my evening was complete, I was glad that I did not drive… and I was glad that the guest bathroom was so close to the main entrance to my house. To give you an idea of how bad it was, here is a list of the drinks that I had that evening, in no particular order.
1. Four – Blue Moon Ales
2. One – Red-Headed Slut (the drink, as far as I know.)
3. Two – Scottish Orgasms
4. One – Kamakazi
There was a time, many years ago, when I could walk into a bar, or a friends house and drink with the best of them. I was a regular at such places like “John Bryant’s” or “Woody’s”, here in Bakersfield. I can recall putting away as many as twelve beers and nine Kamikaze’s in one evening and waking up the next morning with little or no hang over.
When I made it home after this night of drinking, I was a mess. My wife was the best, more than willing to clean up the mess I made while praying to Ralph at the porcelain throne. Taking a moment or two to laugh at me in my moment of suffering and bring me my water and napkins when I needed them.
In the end, it took me a full day to recover and several glasses of water and a hand full of aspirin.
No… I am certainly not what I once was… but you know, who is?
Have I learned my lesson? Probably not…
Will I do it again? I will, of course, say no. But in ten years, who is to say. You only turn fifty once.
The Tilted Kilt is a great place to hang out and I plan to go there from time to time.
One thing I did learn from this experience is that I need to go hang out at places like this more often. Not to get drunk, but just to have fun and hang out.
Happy drinking and happy living, all!