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Monthly Archives: April 2009
Why are farts funny?
Tonight I decided that, since my stomach was still not quite at 100% since this bout with what I can only assume was a stomach flu, I would go to the Subway Sandwich shop here by my home. Not a long drive and the fresh air… well… as fresh as Bakersfield can grant, would do me some good.
Upon entering and subsequently waiting in line behind the woman who probably single handedly inspired Carol from a slightly demonic version Brady Bunch, whose six children might have been models for “Chucky” and whose ability to control them was slightly akin to Captain Binghamton’s ability to control Lt. Mchale (Yes… I know most of these analogies are lost on anyone younger than thirty…) Her and her kin were waiting for their food to be made when “IT” happened. During one of the critical moments of public sandwich-making when children are present, happened. The sandwich guy’s Mayo jar ran out.
Anyone who has been in a Subway when this happens, knows what that means. Yes… the Mayo jar made a rather loud sputtering sound.
It was at this time that one of the kids happily announced to no one in specific and everyone in general that… “The sandwich guy farted!”
This had the effect of turning the already noisy group of children into a now laughing group of children sounding something slightly similar to what Pee Wee’s playhouse might sound like on laughing gas… oh… never mind.
To make matters worse, the now very self-conscious sandwich guy made the sound three more times… in the ever-efficient effort to get every last drop of the mayo out of the jar. This, in turn, evoked a chorus of laughs and giggles… now not just from the children, but also from the few other adults that were there as well.
Yes… even me, mister stoic… the gruff, 40 something former Marine, started to smile at this point. For me, however, I think I was smiling more at the way the sandwich guy was looking at the children. With that fake smile, hiding the sudden desire to start practicing Hannibal Lecter’s craft in the kitchen, beginning with the little starting lineup of the might munchkin football league that he had in his dining room. All he was missing was the quiet time, fava beans and nice Chianti.
It was about this time that he, the sandwich guy, announced that he had to go get more Mayo, then went to the back. Either to actually GET mayo, or to contemplate his new career as a serial murderer and cannibal.  This I do not know, as the sandwich gal who was working with him took over and finished making the sandwiches for them and then, myself.
The woman and her small restaurant assault team went off valiantly to ransack the Domino’s pizza next door.
I saw no further sign of the sandwich guy that night… I hope the rest of his evening went better, and that it did not end with him having his partner for dinner with beans and wine.
Note to the reader… some of the events may have been embelished for the entertainment of the reader.
Posted in Food and Drink, Humor
4 Comments
I hope to be the model of a Modern Master Mason.
So… as of this last Wednesday (22 April 2009), I am now a Master Mason.
Masonry has been a part of my family for a few generations now. Most recently it was my Great Uncle… William Yelland. He was a Mason to the core and made it to the lofty 32nd degree in the Scottish Rites. If you were to look at the life he led and the things he had accomplished, there would be no doubt that he was a benefit to the lodge and they to him.
Thinking about it now, this is something that I should have done years ago but I never was able to set aside the time to do so. This is mostly my fault. I got lazy and never MADE the time to do this, something that was important to me because of the connection that it has to my family and to myself.
And just remember.
Posted in Education, Personal Notes
7 Comments
Mixed signals…
While walking around work today, I noticed something that just really had not struck me before. It is the way that there is one set of rules for one group of people, yet an entirely different set for others.
What do I mean?
If I were to put pictures up in my work area of women wearing bikinis or underwear, it would not be long before one of two things would happen. First, I would probably be written up for something along the lines of sexual harassment. Second, I would probably be looking for work elsewhere, since most companies have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to things like this.
All this being said, why is it that when I walk through my work, there are several people that have pictures of people like Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp with their shirts off or similar? How is a guy with his shirt off or just wearing a towel any less of an offense to the company policies on things like this than if I put a scantily clad picture of, for example, Gigi Edgeley or Tyra Banks?
Am I supposed to accept that it is right for the ladies in my office to enjoy the sight of their favorite actor in a semi-clothed state, yet if I put up a picture of an actress, model or any other picture of a lady with the same amount of clothing on, it is considered wrong? Are the rules really that skewed in favor of women that they are exempt, or are people just afraid to stand up and say anything about it to someone?
To be fair… it is not just my current job, but this is something that I have seen at a couple of my other jobs too. There was one office that I worked at where a woman had her desk littered with pictures of various men, not only in various states of undress, but in some provocative positions as well. Yet I would be willing to BET you that should one of her male counterparts put up a picture of Jessica Alba in a bikini, SHE would be one of the first ones to raise a stink about it, and HR would be all over him, say little or nothing about her desk.
Is it just me, or does anyone else notice these little contradictions in life? I am sure that I cannot be the only one out there that sees things like this.
Posted in Rants and Raves
12 Comments
