I have never particularly cared for the term “I found God”; It always seemed, among other things, so cliche. There are also times that people use it as if they are looking for a way to try and convince others that they have, through some divine or mythical process, transcended the evil that they had done in their lives by attaining a higher understanding of God.
I will never tell you that I have “Found God”. I will say, however, that over the years and as I have grown older, I have become more spiritually aware than I once was. I have started to understand that the more I think I know about “Life, the Universe and Everything”, the more I see that some things are not easily answered by science, even though it plays a strong role as a tool to discovering much of the unknown.
I do not believe, as many do, that our lives are directed by God. I think that we are all given a set of tools to work with and what we choose to do with them makes us who we are. Some of us choose to do good and others to do evil, then again there are some just ride that center line with no real leaning towards one side or the other, choosing to live the life complacent. But every one of us has the very same capacity for good or evil as every other one of us, it is all a matter of choice.
Regardless of how we are brought up or the social class we are brought up in to, those decisions are ours. We each have to decide what we do with and where we take our lives and yes… some of us do have more challenges set before us than others, but those only help make us stronger and more prepared for what life might deal us in the future if we choose to approach them head on and succeed.
I do think that our lives are sometimes “nudged” in a direction by God. I say this because there was a time when I seriously thought about becoming a Rabbi. After studying the requirements and learning was entailed, I decided that it was too much responsibility for me and chose not to take this path. This has been a decision I have grown to regret and I feel, looking at the person that I have become, that I would have been a very good Rabbi. In this case, I feel, in a manner of speaking, I was approached with a job offer from God, and chose to turn it down.
I also look at the people in my life who have been the most influential and I discover that many of them have been members of the Clergy… Rabbi Stanley Robin… Rabbi Stephen Peskind… Rabbi Rosenberg CDR USN … plus various Priests, Pastors and Deacons that I have known and spoken with over the years. These are all people that have positively influenced me on my various paths in life.
Does everything that I have said above mean that I have found God? No… I do not think that anyone “Finds God”. I think that it is more a case that you need to understand what you need in your life and for what answers you are looking. I guess you could say it is like “Looking for love.” Everyone has it to give, you just need to learn how to accept it and return it… God, in whatever way, shape or form you perceive him or her to be, is no different. We all have some feelings about God… we all go through periods of doubt, rebellion and contemplation. Some choose to follow a spiritual path and become Clergy. Others decide to sit on the sidelines and just watch and wait; then again others defiantly deny that there is any such thing as a higher power. For some, though, at some point, through your learning, understanding and living, God, or your understanding of him, will find you.
Who knows… we might all be wrong, but that is something that only time will tell. For now, I would like to think that He is out there, holding back some of the cards, making sure that we are all playing the game fairly. A dealer that has palmed part of the deck and is waiting for us to play our hands.
For those of you who are used to reading my work… no… I have not gone strange. I have always wanted to write a piece like this, but have always worried about how it would be taken. Most people that know me do not know how my spiritualism works. I keep my beliefs close to me and am not quick to share them. This is the first time I really have, so I hope that you appreciate what I had to say. As always… I thank you for taking the time to read this.