Thoughts, Philosophy, Life and Love

Month: August 2015

Betrayal

Et tu, Brute?

This Article was originally published and then retracted for personal reasons.  I have decided to republish it with the original timestamp.

There is nothing more painful that betrayal, especially when it is by a person that you have accepted as a close friend.  But this is something that recently happened to me.

This is not a bash piece, though in my heart I would love nothing more than to take this person apart, verbally.  But at my core, that is not and never has been who I am.   I do get mad, I to hurt, I do feel, but I think that it speaks more to who I am to be the better person than to throw the other person to the wolves, so to say, and publicly assault them.

I do not make friends easily… in fact, I would say that I really do not make friends anymore at all.  I have people I know and past friends that I have let slip away, but when it comes to going out, meeting up with people and having a good time, that is really just not me.  It is not because I do not WANT friends, in fact it is just the opposite.  I will look longingly at people sitting in groups at the bar or in restaurants, as they talk, cavort and have a grand time.  I will watch them and wish that one of those people was me.  That I had that kind of group that I could get together with.  That I was one of THOSE people.

When, as recently happened, I stumble upon a person that I like, who seems to click with me, whose personality is pleasant and compatible with mine, I feel a bond.  Unlike my usually careful, responsible and paranoid self, this time I went ahead and opened up and let this person in.   Some of the problems and ordeals that they spoke of were similar to things I had gone through.  Some of the challenges that they faced were on the same note as ones I had dealt with through my life.  I felt as though this person would be someone I could talk to and share problems with and maybe help one another.

Unfortunately I was incorrect.

I will not go into details, but in the end this person turned out to be no different than the others I had met in my earlier years that caused me to build my personal walls in the first place.   It appeared that this person had a sophomoric agenda, like those people I remember from high school, to open a person up, gain their confidence and friendship, and then attempt to emotionally poison them.  In this case, I was that person.

The level of pain and betrayal that I felt was indescribable.  It pushed me into the start of a depressive bout that I was worried that I would not get out of any time soon.   Luckily I was able to fall back on the help of my wife and son.  I spent the next few days hanging around with my four-year-old son, since my wife was at work most of this time.

I have to tell you a bit about him, my son.  He is only four years old, but the little guy is wise beyond his years.  One of the times I was sitting with him after we watched a movie and I asked him, not really expecting an answer, just wanting to talk aloud, “Giddy… what do you do when you feel bad?”

He looked at me for a moment and told me, “I go give Nana and Pampa and Mommy and Poppi a hug and kiss.  Don’t feel bad poppi, lets go see mommy.”

And that, as simple as it sounds, was my turning point.  Suddenly my son gave me a life lesson that was something that I really already knew, but he needed to remind me.  That no matter how bad things had gotten, no matter how bad I hurt after this person inflicted what I consider to be a brutal betrayal, I have my family there to support and help me back up and on my feet again.

Within days the depression had started to subside and I was feeling better, but there was still anger and hurt.

Anger for what this person had done to me, anger in myself for not following a lifetime of rules that I had in place to prevent things like this from happening, anger for sharing a part of myself with this person that I normally kept to myself and my family.

Hurt for the fact that now I have to relearn how to be who I was before.  Hurt that I had been foolish enough to think that someone like this liked who I was and would allow me to befriend them.  Hurt because I thought I had opened a new chapter in my life and had learned to start letting people in again.

I am not sure that either the pain or hurt will ever go away, at least not completely. But I understand this person now and I realized that it was my own fault for letting it happen.  I realized that there was a reason I built that wall so many years ago and now have not only put it back up, but reinforced it.  This will not happen again.

So, my takeaway has been that I need to be careful about who I befriend and always remember that family is there when things go south.

As for the person in question…  well, I cannot see feeding the anger, they are not worth it.  It does hurt, losing that friendship, but I suspect that it was better that it happened now, than later.  At a time when there was more invested in it.   I do hope that this person looks back one day and sees something in this that helps them understand about human interactions, friendships and trust.

An open letter to parents…

An open ended letter from teenagers to parents.

Speaking as a teenager these are some things that I believe all teenagers want their parents to know, however they have no clue how to tell them. I, myself, am a 17 year old woman, and about to begin my senior year of high school.

That being said here some things kids my age want you to know.

1.  We do think about college. And yes, we know how important it is for us to go college (and a good one).

We are scared about it. Nothing is as scary as the unpredictable future. Looking at colleges is scary, you’re going to be sent to someplace where you know maybe one person, and that’s if your lucky. We will be in a new town, maybe even an entirely different state. This is the first step to becoming an adult; maybe not legally, but mentally. Our first step to becoming independent. And you think you’re the scared?

2.  When you give us advice, we actually do listen. There is a very good chance we don’t understand it and might think that you’re full of it, but we still hear what you say.

This advice is important because we will know it when we need it. So even if we roll our eyes at you, NEVER stop giving us advice. We are young and have no idea what life is going to throw at us, help us be ready to catch whatever we get pitched.

3.  Senior year is going to be an emotional time for us…

Everything we do this year is the last time we will get to do it during our high school years. That is a scary thought. We have had certainty for the last 3 years and now there is this big mystery box in front of us. And we have no idea what we should do with it.

4.  This is our decision. Its for us to decide please don’t push us to do something we don’t want.

This is a note for the parents who think their kid is making the wrong choice. We don’t even know what we want, but we are going to make the best choice for US. Not for you, not for my favorite aunt, not for the best English teacher in the world. For ME. You might think our choice is stupid, but it’s our choice to make, so let us make it. Even if we do mess it up it’s something we can learn from.

5.  Even though we wish you could, you can’t protect us or bail us out all the time now.

There will be times when we need your help, but you can’t let us run to you every time something bad happens. You have to let us learn to do things on our own.

“Smooth seas do not good sailors make”

6.  Last but not least, We love you.

We are crabby ass teenagers who have a funny way of showing you that we care but never doubt for a second that we don’t love you. We will fight in the future as we have in the past but never once doubt us. We can always count on you to give advice the best you can.

So to the parents thank you for putting up with boring high school sporting events, award ceremonies, choir and band concerts, baking crazy amount of cookies at the last minute, teacher conferences, and for the funding to go on crazy school trips. It didn’t go unnoticed like you might think. So please be easy with us this last, senior, year, cause it’s hard for us too.

 

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