Not a day goes by when I do not think of my Father.
Unfortunately, he passed away in 1991. When he passed, there were a great deal of things that I never got to say to him and I am sure, there were things that he never had a chance to say to me.
I do not dwell on his death, I can honestly say that I only did that for about the first year, but the times I think about him now are more or less in passing. Idle thoughts that come to me. Things like; “Dad would have liked that”, or “It would have been neat if my dad could have met my Father-in-law.”
If I were to look at the things that bother me the most about his death, it is the fact that I never told him everything I needed to tell him. But I was young and I listened to those that told me that it would hurt him if I talked to him about these things. So I did not, not knowing the ghosts that it would create for me all these years.
I think that we all carry ghosts like this with us through our lives.Â Things that we put off doing, forgot to do or never seemed to find the time for.Â Then one day you realize that your chances are gone, there is no way to get them back.Â These can be as simple as a conversation you should have had with someone or as large as not taking the time to sit down and have a heart to heart with your father… as was the case with me.
The biggest thing to remember with most of these ghosts is that they do not have to be.Â We each have control over whether they exist or not by the decisions we make.Â We chose to, or not to, act on things.Â Sometimes it is because we do not want to hurt someone, or because we do not want to take a chance.Â But we must.
Since my issue with my father, I have used that as a learning point in my life.Â Since then I try to speak my mind when I can.Â I always make sure I say what needs to be said when I have the chance.Â If that which I need to say might hurt the feelings of the person I am telling it to, then I do so with the greatest care and compassion.
I offer this as my personal experience in life.Â Life itself is so very short when you think about it and even with that, you are not guaranteed the entirety of your life, you never know what may happen that might take it from you or those you love, prematurely.
I will close with this.Â It is a small part of a poem I have kept near me for more years than I can remember called the Desiderata:
“…As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant… they too have their story.”
Thank you for taking the time to read this.