As I grow older, I have started paying more attention to things that I used to take for granted… and that is making friends.

I have always been very critical of people… all people.  While some might say this is normal, I would go so far as to say my example would almost be to an unhealthy level.

When I meet a person for the first time, I immediately begin dissecting them.  Their mannerisms, movements, tone of speech, eye movements, etc.  I listen to the stories they tell and, in my mind, begin challenging them for potential realism, validity and probability.  All this in a matter of the first few moments that I have met a person.

Hindsight is always more clear than the vision before you at the time something is happening.  Thus, as I look back, I see many situations where I killed potential friendships before they ever started.  This attitude that I have towards people that I am meeting for the first time was and is unfair to them and to myself.

This has brought me to the point of this post.  A lesson learned, so to say.

• Accept people for who and what they are.  People are not always going to be what you want them to be, and sometimes the best friendships can be borne from diversity.
• Listen to what people have to say and take it for what it is worth.  If you do not think that it is the truth, keep that to yourself.  Over time, the truth always comes to the surface.
• Once a friendship starts, just like a plant or any other life, it requires feeding and nurturing.  You need to make it work.  Don’t assume that “I called John this week, it is his turn to call me.”  That does not always work.  Friendship is a two-way street and takes both parties.
• Don’t let little things get in the way, and in the case of good friends, nothing is more important.  With few exceptions, all other considerations are secondary to friends.

Making good friends is, in my opinion, not too much different than relationships with your family.  My closest friends ARE part of my family.  In my life, the few friends I have, and they know who they are, are every bit as much a part of my family as my Mom, Sister, Brothers and Wife.  There is little difference to me here.

Some friends you make will not be as close as others.  You will learn to keep them, without letting them KNOW this, at various distances from you, emotionally.  This is not to be callous or mean, but because there are times when you can feel that a person is responsible enough to handle that level of closeness.

There are times, also, that you need to let them go from your life because they become vexacious to your soul and your family.  There is one case where I have done this and the reason was because the path he had chosen led to the loss of his family and drove his friends away.  Even though it was his own fault, it was one of the harder things I have done in my life.  Telling a person to not be a part of your life when you have known them since high school is difficult.

All this being said, my newest goal is to teach myself to be less critical of people.  To try and make more friends and be a better friend to others.  To stop trying to find a reason to NOT make a person a friend, as I tend to do with my mental dissection of those I meet.  I do not expect this to come to me overnight, but I do want it to happen.

I hope that you appreciated my sharing this with you.  I hope that you have something to add, as your comments are always welcome.

Not a day goes by when I do not think of my Father.

Unfortunately, he passed away in 1991. When he passed, there were a great deal of things that I never got to say to him and I am sure, there were things that he never had a chance to say to me.

I do not dwell on his death, I can honestly say that I only did that for about the first year, but the times I think about him now are more or less in passing. Idle thoughts that come to me. Things like; “Dad would have liked that”, or “It would have been neat if my dad could have met my Father-in-law.”

If I were to look at the things that bother me the most about his death, it is the fact that I never told him everything I needed to tell him. But I was young and I listened to those that told me that it would hurt him if I talked to him about these things. So I did not, not knowing the ghosts that it would create for me all these years.

I think that we all carry ghosts like this with us through our lives.  Things that we put off doing, forgot to do or never seemed to find the time for.  Then one day you realize that your chances are gone, there is no way to get them back.  These can be as simple as a conversation you should have had with someone or as large as not taking the time to sit down and have a heart to heart with your father… as was the case with me.

The biggest thing to remember with most of these ghosts is that they do not have to be.  We each have control over whether they exist or not by the decisions we make.  We chose to, or not to, act on things.  Sometimes it is because we do not want to hurt someone, or because we do not want to take a chance.  But we must.

Since my issue with my father, I have used that as a learning point in my life.  Since then I try to speak my mind when I can.  I always make sure I say what needs to be said when I have the chance.  If that which I need to say might hurt the feelings of the person I am telling it to, then I do so with the greatest care and compassion.

I offer this as my personal experience in life.  Life itself is so very short when you think about it and even with that, you are not guaranteed the entirety of your life, you never know what may happen that might take it from you or those you love, prematurely.

I will close with this.  It is a small part of a poem I have kept near me for more years than I can remember called the Desiderata:

“…As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant… they too have their story.”

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

I talk to myself.

I would like to think that we all do from time to time, personally I think it is healthy to talk to yourself.

I am pretty sure that I talk to myself more than most people that I know, however, and there are times that I have pretty good conversations with myself. Some of my best ideas and thoughts come from these conversations.

I would wager that my level of “self conversation” goes a little to far sometimes. I mean if you are having a conversation with a person and reach a point were the conversation goes south, you can walk away from one another. There have been several times where my discussions with myself have not gone well and I reach a point where I cannot agree with me, so what do I do? I cannot walk away from myself… I have tried to not talk to myself for a while, but that always ends badly. I thought about taking myself out to dinner once to make up for the argument, but that is always uncomfortable when you get to the restaurant. Especially when both of you forget to bring money.

Seriously, though… Some of my best ideas have come from talking to an empty room with a tape recorder going. It gives you a way to hear your ideas through another point of view. I have even gone so far as to video tape my discussions with myself to, afterward, view the process from afar. It truly can be fascinating.

Now… I am sure that there are those of you who are now saying something along the lines of: “OK… The Samurai has lost it.” No… I would say not. I know exactly where it is, but I just occasionally have trouble getting to it. I never put it in the same place twice and I do not always recall exactly where it was that I left it the last time I had it.

I use talking to myself much the same way that Einstein used his mental simulations, to figure something out. If I am writing, it often helps to say the lines aloud to see how they will actually sound when spoken. When I am thinking about something, there are times that speaking about it as if you were discussing it with a person helps the thought congeal.

Then there are actually times that I do like listening to myself talk about something I know well. It makes me feel good, I suppose. After all… when I do that, I do have a captive audience.

All in all… I like it in here… and so do the rest of us!

Start Slide Show with PicLens Lite

As you visit my site, you may hear me talk about myself a bit. I am reaching that age where I can look back at things I have done in life and use them as an example of what to, or not to do. I can look at my decisions objectively and tell you when I have done something that was stupid or something that I am proud of. Unfortunately there are too few of the latter.

You will never hear me say that I am an expert in anything, though. When I hear people call me an expert at computers, I always remember what my mother told me years and years ago. “Never let a person call you an expert… you know what an expert is? A former drip under pressure.”

That has always stuck with me, and I have always lived up to it. I am not an expert. I consider myself well qualified at many things, computers, science, writing, etc… But I will always correct a person when they throw that “E” word at me.

This Blog that I run, the one you are reading right now, is written with the understanding that I might be wrong about things, maybe even a lot of things. I am NO expert. I enjoy writing, and that should be all that I need to be to run a blog, as long as I cause no harm to others in doing so and as has been demonstrated by many other Bloggers out there, writing skills and knowledge are secondary and many times not even a requirement. However I do try to write only about my opinions and things I know a little about or enjoy.

When a person professes them self to be an expert, I see it as a sign of self glorification. I have always taught myself to be proud of your accomplishments, but never so much so that you forget that you are never finished with where you are going in life. Everything you learn means that there is something else that needs to be learned next. If you ever do truly become what you might consider to be an expert at anything, then that is only transitory. If you do not keep studying and trying, you will fall behind the moment that you feel that you stop to bask in your expertise.  Above all, I try and practice humility.

This is not the take away from the fact that there are people out there that are the top in their fields and they may be considered experts by those around them and maybe even by themselves. But calling yourself, or allowing yourself to be called an expert sets a standard that you might not be able to continually achieve. In other words, once you have reached the top, there is nowhere to go but down.

For all you out there that might stumble upon my site and who are, yourself, an expert in any given field.  Please take nothing that I have said wrong.  But you yourself should understand that you are not done and one day, maybe not too far off, someone or something will come along and replace you, so again, remember, that your status is transitory.  We are, all of us, coming and going to and from someplace in life.  What matters most is the journey and what we accomplish and who we touch along the way.

You make yourself a better person not so much by where you go and what you learn, but by what you teach along the way.

Lets all remember that we are teachers.

How often do we and should we just take a moment to sit and listen to world around us. Every so often it nice to just sit and be and listen to the world. The sounds of the wind rustling through the tree’s, the sounds of birds communicating with each or calling out to friends in different places. Children playing and laughing without a care in the world, theironly concern what they are doing at that moment. No thoughts of what tomorrow will bring, or for that matter the next hour or afternoon. The just live in the moment. Living in the moment is something we should learn to embrace. Just be, enjoy, not worry about how well things are going at the moment, just enjoy the moment for what it is. The times when you can do that, are the times that will remain with you as good memories or funny memories at least, when things don’t go as well as we sometimes hoped they would. How often have we used the phrase, its funny now, when describing some event that at the time, had us pitching fits, or angry or rushed for time. Why wasn’t it funny then, because we wouldn’t let our minds just be in the moment. We are too worried about time or what is going to happen next.

Many years ago, while participating in a writing experiment that at the time I originally thought was silly, I experienced one of those moments, when the words just seemed to flow from somewhere, that I was not aware of. I can remember bits and pieces of what I wrote but not the whole thing. If memory serves me right, it was about time and the passage of it, and much like the earlier paragraph was focused just on the moment. Time is precious and meant to be enjoyed, because we can never have that moment back again. What we choose to do with moment however is important, not the fact the moment is gone, never to reclaimed again. We want to be able to relive those moments and laugh about them or remember them fondly, not as missed opportunities or wastes of our time.
Enjoy what you doing at the moment and do worry about it going right or wrong, just be in the moment. It is those times that will give you peace and happy thoughts when there are moments that aren’t going so well. You can look back on them, and get that feeling you have when you are with someone, that knows you well enough, that you don’t feel the need to filter thought or feelings. Someone who when you are with them the silence is comfortable, pleasing and calming, when just being around that person makes you at ease. Often times, just being with them, provides a calming influence, you don’t even need to be in the same room with them, you can be on the phone, doing completely different things and it is just a comfort knowing they are there. And often when you are not with that person, you still get the sense that they need you to call them, to provide that comforting influence, or call you and do the same. Cherish those moments so when you need them, you can recall them for the times when you can’t talk to or be near that person, and you will find that they are just as comforting as when you are near.

Today (5 July 2008) I saw something that made me decide to write this piece. I saw a Black man walking two pit bulls. He was wearing a pair of jeans that were low in the back so that you could see the underwear and a white t-shirt. What struck me about this sight is that I felt myself immediately think of this person as a “gang-banger” type who probably kept the dogs for fighting.

The problem is that I as I got closer to this person, I realized that I knew him and there is no way that he would do that with his dogs. Add to this that he is the furthest thing from a “gang-banger” that I know a person to be.

So it makes me wonder, is what I experienced actually true racism, even in a small form, or is it a case of social imprinting, where we see something and based on news, past experiences or stereotyping, we assume something that is not always the case.

Using the black person I spoke about at the start of this as an example, how many people that saw exactly the same thing I did, would think the same way?  Granted, I am sure not all would, but I would wager that a majority of people would. I would even go so far as to say that it would not only be Caucasians that would think this way, I think that you would see similar reactions in various other races as well, including other Black folks.

Who’s fault is it for people thinking this was? Is it the fault of the person who is looked at and assumed to be what he or she is, in fact, not simply because of how they look or choose to dress? Is it the fault of me, or anyone else, for being so quick to judge a person because of certain things they do that fit in with a social group? Where DOES fault lie?

Here is my take on the answer and I am betting that many of you will not like it. The fault lies with us all and it is all about understanding and education. When I looked at that person today, for that briefest of moments, I did not see a fellow human who is almost 100% anatomically similar to me, I did not see human whose only difference from me was the color of his skin. For that moment I saw what he media wanted me to see based on the minority of the black people that appear on various shows in the negative light.

The fact that I reacted the way I did shows a certain level of failure on my part to, in that one moment, not differentiate fiction from fact and assume that because this guy was dressed the way he was and had pit bulls, I made the cardinal sin of thinking that he was a gang-banger.  This does bother me, because anyone who REALLY knows me, knows that this is not who I am.

The moral to my little rant here?  Be aware.  Be very mindful of your thoughts and actions.  Our thoughts and ideas about how we see things lead to actions, either obvious or hidden.  This is what creates hate in the world.  There is already enough of that, we do not need more.

Who am I?

This is not a hard question to ask, but a very hard question to answer. I do not care how self confident you are, if you look at the many ways to interpret the question, then you cannot come up with a “pat” answer to it that easily.

WHO am I?

Am I the sum of my own efforts and dreams, or am I the creation of the expectations that others have placed upon me, thus shaping who I have become? Is the person that I have become based on the people that I have met in my life or the people that my friends and family expect me to be because of their needs and desires? Likewise, have I, over the years, manipulated who I am, in order to mold to the types of person that my friends and family needed me to be, thus becoming a better friend to them through empathy, of sorts?

Is it important or healthy for a person to change themselves to be a better friend, love or companion to another person, when it is obvious that this will sometimes result in the loss of some individuality? or is it more important to be yourself, for yourself, regardless of the affect on those around you? This is not to say that you be yourself sheerly for the the affect of alienating others, but being your own person and letting others accept you that way, regardless of how it affects the closeness of the relationship.

When I think of who I am, I cannot do so without thinking about how much of who I am is based on the people I have met over the years, and both the positive and negative affects that they have had upon me in that time. It is hard, also, to not think of the struggles and successes that I have had in my life that have, also, lead to my being right here, right now, in this life.

Obviously some of this is obvious. If you look at your youth, you can see that you were shaped, in large part, by your parents and other close family. As you grew older, the other adults that you met and your teachers, added to the person you would one day become. As you grew, both mentally and physically, you saw things in those people that you decided you liked, or disliked, and added them to your own personality, creating a mulligan stew personality, of sorts. This, in turn and over time, lead to who you became as an adult. Like a good stew, it takes time for all the pieces to merge and become that one thing that is you.

I encourage you to try a little mental exercise. Look at your talents, traits, opinions and anything else about yourself, and follow it back. See if you can identify why you feel the way you do about something, and where you might have gotten that opinion.

It really is an interesting exercise in and of itself, because sometimes you may not realize how you came to some of your thoughts on certain things.

As I see it… We ARE all individuals. But we would not be who we are without the interaction and guidance of others. Whether we realize it at the time or not, every person that we meet or interact with, provides that little nudge that eventually leads us to who we are now and it does not stop there. We are constantly changing and growing. You may not have the same opinions and ideas ten years from now that you do today, this is just the way things work.

Who am I?

I am that which I have become, through the guidance of the Friends, Family, enemies, loved ones and strangers that have made up my life. Through my interaction with them, I have become the best person that I can be, and I am not done yet. This is a process I will go through until the day I take my final rest.

When we are children, we ask some interesting questions of our parents. I am not certain why, but over this last weekend I remembered one that I asked my father. This was more years ago than I care to mention, but I must have been about six or so. I remember looking out the window and then asking him, “Dad… where does the sky end?”

I cannot recall what prompted the question or where I came up with the concept, though I suspect that it may have something to do with all the reports in the news at the time of the Apollo and Skylab missions. I always did seem to have my head in the stars as I child.

The question itself though, thinking about it now that I am older, and somewhat wiser, is one that could be both a philosophical and astronomical question, but for now, I would like to look beyond the science of the question and look at the meaning that I saw as a child.

We all know that the “sky”, or what we perceive as the sky is nothing more than the affect of the sun’s light being defused by the various components of the atmosphere… oxygen, nitrogen, argon, etc… But when you are a kid, you do not know or care about all that. The sky is something that you see as full of adventure, a place where planes fly to far off lands or battle against other planes, where rockets stab the heavens to go even farther into the sky (for me, as a kid, the sky stopped somewhere past the stars.)

It may sound a little “Norman Rockwellian” but I can recall watching the clouds in the sky and thinking of the shapes that the clouds made. Sometimes animals, sometimes structures, there were even a few times I can recall seeing faces in the clouds thinking that God was drawing pictures for everyone to see. Then there were the nights… Not so much in Taft, the town where I spent part of my childhood, but in Bakersfield, there was a large field behind the complex I lived in. We all called it the “Greenfield”, simply because it was green, and there where no houses or anything there. In reality, it was the corridor for the high voltage towers that fed part of Bakersfield and then went on south to another community. This was where most of my adventures took place until I was about fifteen years old.

I would go out and lay on the grass at night or early evening, and just watch the night sky for hours, sometimes not getting back in until late. This was at the time it was safe to do things like that for a person of my age and not have to worry about anything bad happening. The sky was still pretty clear in the area I lived, back then, and light pollution was still quite low. I would see so far that I started wondering what all was out there, so, like most kids, you start imagining. Because of my mother, I had no illusions about what was in the sky. I understood at a very early age what stars were, and how far away they were, and that there might be other planets just like earth near those stars, but as a child, it is still hard to imagine the sheer enormity of the universe, so in my minds eye, these were all still part of my sky. I would think of the creatures that might be on those planets, and the ships, cars, planes and spacecraft they probably had. Then I would think of what would happen if I ever got to meet one of them someday.

The fantasies I had were only fed further when shows like Space:1999, UFO, BattleStar Galactica and syndication of Star Trek came to television. They fed my desire to imagine what else was out there. Then came Close Encounters, Star Wars, and the Trek Movies. If you ask anyone who knew me at the time, you would probably get a pretty resounding “Sam’s head was always in the clouds” from all of them. It should be noted that I have not changed much… My head is still out there, somewhere. I think if I ever do become completely grounded, then that is about the time I will be pushing up daisies.

So… to the original question that I posed to my father so many years ago; “Where does the sky end?” Unfortunately, he did not have an answer for me. While I loved my father a great deal, he was not the most openly imaginative person. At least not to me… this is not to say he had no imagination, we all do. Sometime we just never find an outlet for, or a way to express it to others, especially our children, in many cases.

Looking back, I do not recall ever asking anyone else this same question, though, as kids, our thoughts are traveling so fast that our mouths can rarely keep pace, and thusly some of what we say or ask gets caught up in the tides of time and drowns. Why this one question stayed with me, I do not know. Maybe the answer that I was looking for was more in what was not said than what was said. Is it possible that, without speaking, and my being too young to understand, that my father DID answer the question? We will never know, I suppose.

Where does the sky end? Why should it? If we look at the question with science, then the sky, as we understand it, only changes from atmosphere to space, but does not really end. If we look at it from the point of imagination, then why should it end? Why can it not go on forever, and take us to other worlds that are only limited to our imagination? I read books like Narnia and the Golden Compass, and I think of what questions inspired those people to write such deep stories. It had to start with something, and maybe it was nothing more than a question to someone’s father or mother, answered or not.

Where does the sky end? It does not… as long as you do not let it end.

Before I start, I need you, the reader, to understand that this is not a self help guide. It is not meant to be the key to help you out of your problem with depression. This is simply my story of how I cope and what I feel when I fall into my bouts of depression, and the paths I take to try and get out of them. If you do take something away from this that helps you, then I am happy for you and would like you to share your story with me, if you feel comfortable doing so. I just want to make it clear that I am not an expert on depression, nor am I a health professional. Please read this with the understanding that I am sharing my experience in the hope that others might take something from it for themselves.

This is also therapy for me. Talking about a problem I have suffered with for years in a way that others will see can be very liberating. I am sure that there are those out there that will read this and wonder why I am airing my issues, but if even one person out there reads this, and it touches them, then maybe it was worth it.

I cannot say for certain when I first started having depressive bouts, but I am pretty sure it goes all the way back to high school. That in itself should be no surprise to most people, since almost everyone can agree that high school is a harsh place, even for those that do well in school. It is where we first start really learning how popularity and money can divide people into groups. I think everyone experiences a little anxiety or depression in high school simply because they need to learn to fit in to certain cliques, or become outcast.

This is not going to be a “History of Me”, so I am going to concentrate more on the “here and now” and not the “there and then”. Looking at the past, at least in my case, has never been much of a help. Those are all things and times that can not be altered and should not be worried about. What is more important is how I face the future.

Many times when a person says that they are suffering from depression, the first thing people say about it, be it verbally or in their own minds, is “Oh… Get over it.” Too often people see it as just a person feeling sorry for themselves or wanting attention, and they are dismissed. I know this because there have been cases where I have talked to a person that was going through a depressive bout and I have thought that same way about them. When I go through the same bouts and I talk to people, I can see the same thing in their eyes or hear it in their voice. It is not their fault. People who do not suffer from this or who do not understand what it is to go through it, have no way of seeing the world as I do when I am experiencing a bout. In fact, I can say that I am just as guilty because I do not, and cannot, see things the way that another person might when they are going though an episode of depression.

Because, for me, depression is a personal experience, another person cannot understand my process of “going down.” When I am starting down into one of my funks I do not care what a person can tell me or what they try and do to cheer me up. In fact I really cannot see the positive in anything at that point, I just do not care. For me, if I were to use an analogy, it is a dark tunnel that leads nowhere, and only gets darker. That is what I feel when I am in a depressive mood, and the sad part about it is that I usually know when they are starting. This is as frustrating to me, as the person affected, as it is for the few people who know I suffer this problem. Talking is about the only cure or remedy that I know, but the people I talk to have to understand that I am not going to be responsive to their support at first, so all they can do is be there. Even though I may not be interested in what they have to say at the time, and I may not care for their efforts, in the moment, they do help in the long run. Another thing that helps is if they, your friends and family, understand that you suffer from depression in the first place.

I have never shared my problem with depression with my friends, at least not until this blog. I have never felt comfortable with sharing it because I have never wanted the whole “pity parade” that seems to follow people who suffer it. I also know that some of my friends would probably not understand it, especially the ones closer to my own age. This is not meant to offend them, but unless they, too, suffer it, then they would not understand what it is to go through.

In addition to the overall sense of loathing that I feel at the time, one of the hardest parts about depression, for me, is the state of reclusion that I fall into. I want nothing to do with anyone, friends, family, coworkers, etc… and I convince myself that no one wants anything to do with me. I close myself off into what I have termed my “Darkspace”. I cannot bring myself to care about anyone or anything, I have even treated friends and family rudely during these times, and only see the doom and gloom in life. My wife will try and motivate me, but she has learned what I have learned, and that is that I have to find a way out on my own. Reaching out from the dark, as I have titled this article. However, she has always been there when I come out of it.

Another thing about my episodes, is that I can see who I am during and after the attacks. I look back at my latest bout, and I know that it had a negative affect on my job and may have affected my relationships with my friends, and I know that… I also knew that at the time, but could not work my way out of it. You do not want to tell people what you are going through, because at the time, how to you explain it? Where do you start? Can you really, truly, explain what may appear to most as a state of mind? You really cannot tell a person, “Hey, I am depressed right now, I will call you back when I feel better… M’Kay?”

One of the problems with people sharing a problem like this with others, especially in my age group, is that I was raised being that taught you should not share your problems, as I am sure others were as well. You need to hide your troubles away and keep them to yourself and things like depression and openly expressing feelings were a sign of weakness or a liability. This is much like how my father was, at least to me, and many of the male figures in my life, as a child, were much the same. I have worked hard to not be like that over the last several years. Mostly because I knew that I had a problem with depression, and that the best way to help myself was to reach out to those around me.

Since depression affects everyone differently, there is nothing I can say that will be a magic bullet that will help others. What works for me, may not work for you, and you should not expect it to. If you feel that you are suffering from depression, you need to get in to see a doctor as soon as you can. While I choose not to take medicine for mine, because I understand the potential risks in doing so, you may not have that luxury. Depression should never be taken lightly.

In my case, the best thing for me to help me get out of the funk, is writing, woodworking and family. The writing gives me a release, a way to vent and share thoughts and feelings. The woodworking gives me a outlet of creativity and something to accomplish. Family… well that is self explanatory. Your family is potentially the strongest medicine you have, and is not confined to those that share your blood, but those who are close to you. I have several friends that I consider family, and in reality, they are just as much a part of my life as any brother or sister. I may not always express that with them, but I would like to think that they know.

For me… coming out of the funk and haze of depression is like walking into a well lit room after spending a while in a long dark tunnel. There is relief because I, once again, beat it down and took back control of my life. There is also sadness… because you look back, and see the person you were during that time, and the affect you had on others… those you do not know, and those you love.

If you are a religious person, that can help as well. As I have said in a couple of my past writings, there is a lot of good in your belief in god. It helps you find your center and to feel comforted that there is someone watching over you, something greater than you that you are accountable to in the end. If you find yourself in a depressive mood, and you have a Priest, Rabbi, Pastor, etc… that you can talk to, do so. That is another reason they are there, and sometimes it is just nice to talk to someone that is not part of your immediate family. I, personally, use meditation to help… it is like having a nice sit down and chat with yourself… but sometimes you may not like what you have to say, and that helps too. If you never get to know yourself, then you may never get over it.

In closing… depression is hard to get through. I will not lie to you about that, you sometimes feel like there is no way out and that nothing you do is worth anything. You may even get to the point were you are certain that no one is there for you, but none of that is true. You have to tell yourself to live above that, live above yourself. You can get through it and you can get back to being the person you, your family and other people like you to be. You just have to take it one step at a time… that is what I do. This is no different than what they teach you in a twelve-step program. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other, and one day at a time.

I hope that some of what I said can give someone a little guidance.

You are more than welcome to comment, but as I said toward the beginning of this… I am not a professional in this field. I will not offer any advice, other than to tell you that you should see a professional.