The SamuraiMarine

Thoughts, Philosophy, Life and Love

Category: Personal Notes

Letting go…

“Forgive Punish Signpost Means Forgiveness Or Punishment” by Stuart Miles @ FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

“Forgive Punish Signpost Means Forgiveness Or Punishment” by Stuart Miles @ FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

Why do we hang onto things emotionally?  It would be nice to say that I am the only one that does this, so think that somehow I am the strange one and am the exception, not the rule.  But I know I am not.

There is so much baggage that we carry with us through our life.  Most of it is small things, like the embarrassing moments that we experience that causes us to feel stupid, or the times we lose our temper at the wrong time and make a spectacle of ourselves.

Understanding that we cannot go back through time and take it back, understanding that there is nothing we can do about it once it has been done, we should be able to take the lesson learned from whatever happened and move on, eventually accepting what what we did was dumb, embarrassing, painful, libalous, etc…

So I would like to ask, in this short piece, what do you do to get over it?

If you are one of those, like me, that does not get over it, or not easily anyway, how do you deal with the mental baggage that you collect through your life?

Thanks for reading.

Our next adventure…

Well… My wife and I are about to embark on our next big adventure in our lives.

About two weeks ago we discovered the completely unexpected, but not unwelcome, news that we are going to have a baby.  At the time of my writing this, she is about 6 1/2 weeks along, so we are expecting to have a little package arrive sometime around the first part of February 2011.

We actually had given up trying to have a child.  We were told that we would not be able to have a child.  This was not for lack of TRYING, I mean, like they say… that is the fun part.  Trying to have a child.  But it never happened, so we just figured we would not worry about it and have fun.

I have had a couple people tell me that it is not a good idea to have a child at our age.  I am 41 and my wife is 40, she will be 41 when the child is born.  There are stories of people that have problems with pregnancies after the age of 35.   I understand this, but I also think that in this day and age, where people are having children well into their 50s, that my wife and I will have no problems at all, as long as we stick to the doctor’s advice and make sure we take care of ourselves.

I will not lie to you all… I am nervous.  But that emotion is joined with several others… Fear, Excitement, anticipation and anxiety are a few of these other emotions that I am feeling.  I am sure that these are the same feelings that all fathers have felt when they first got that news that they were expecting.

In all… this is going to be great.  Between my wife and I and our friends and family that will be part of this child’s life, there is going to be no lack of love in the child’s life.  That is the most important thing.

Seeking purpose

Do you have purpose in your life?

I am not asking this from a religious point of view, though I am also not ruling that out as a possible answer.  Nor am I playing on that old Steve Martin joke, asking you about your “Special Purpose” and what you use it for.

When you look at what you do throughout the day and what you are trying to accomplish, is it for a special reason or are you just making it through the day?

I am not trying to put you on the spot, or anything… I am just curious about how many people that might read this, have a life goal that they are working towards.  Whether this is a spiritual, emotional, financial or other… what are you working towards?

Personally, I am working toward a couple goals.  First is to make myself more spiritually aware… not really to be more religious or anything like that, but to “understand” more in life.  Secondly I am teaching myself carpentry… so that when I retire, hopefully at or around 55 years old, the wife and I will be able to retire to Oregon… hopefully somewhere along the coast, and I can start a little business doing some wood working and carpentry.  Anything but computers for the rest of my life.

So… tell me your story, goals or desires… I am interested in hearing them.

Thanks.

 

Flowers for Men…

It has been many years, but I once received flowers at work from my wife.

To say it was an unusual experience is an understatement.  But to say that it was not welcomed, is untrue.

Typically men will send flowers to their wives, girlfriends, lovers, etc… sometimes all three at the same time, though that is topic for another posting.  But the reverse is not as common.  You do not hear of a woman sending her Husband, boyfriend, lover, etc… (again, sometimes all three.) flowers.

I think, from the man’s point of view, there is a little bit of intimidation to the idea of a woman sending him flowers.  It is a little more aggressive than some men are probably use to or want.  I can even see how this might drive a wedge into a budding relationship.  Face it, men like to feel like they are at the helm of the relationship.  Receiving flowers, especially in someplace as public as work or in the presence of friends, can lead to a little embarrassment.

Speaking from the point of veiw of a guy who has gotten flowers at work.  It is a little bit of a red faced moment, to be sure.  But it is fun.  You can let the minds of your fellow workers wander a little bit as to why you are getting them and from whom.  You do not need to tell them all the facts.

So… for those few ladies that might read this blog… send your men (Husbands, Lovers, Boyfriends, or all three at the same time) flowers some time… just to see what happens.  If you really want to mix things up put some little “naughty” note on the flowers.   You know the co-workers will read it and they will start the rumors.

Love is meant to be fun and have fun… you just have to find the things that inspire you.

I hope to be the model of a Modern Master Mason.

So… as of this last Wednesday (22 April 2009), I am now a Master Mason.

Masonry has been a part of my family for a few generations now.  Most recently it was my Great Uncle… William Yelland.  He was a Mason to the core and made it to the lofty 32nd degree in the Scottish Rites.  If you were to look at the life he led and the things he had accomplished, there would be no doubt that he was a benefit to the lodge and they to him.

Thinking about it now, this is something that I should have done years ago but I never was able to set aside the time to do so.  This is mostly my fault.  I got lazy and never MADE the time to do this, something that was important to me because of the connection that it has to my family and to myself.

And just remember.

“To become one, ask one.”

Firsts…

We can all think of them… our first (enter subject here.)

Obviously, in order to keep this site family oriented, I am going to NOT share CERTAIN firsts in my life, and I would ask that you be so kind to do the same if you chose to join in on the fun.  This will be one of the few times I will invoke my right to edit your posts… if you post one that is great, but has a part that may push this site into the R rating, then I will remove or alter that one part with a note to the reader that I did so.

My first “first” that stand out the most is, of course, my first kiss (that was not under duress).  I am going to go out on a limb and embarrass the lady who gave me my kiss by telling you her name is Tonya Buck, or at least it was back then, she has long since married and had kids.  The kiss was in 1981 when I was 13 and my hormones were already screwed up.  We were at the dining room table and she was over for dinner.  My mom said something that embarrassed me and Tonya laughed at me and leaned over and kissed my on the cheek next to my lips.  To this day I cannot recall such a feeling.  I was dizzy, sweating, could not speak and my hands were shaking.  Looking back on it now, there was never another feeling like that again.

I think that of all our firsts… our first kiss it the most potent of all the experiences.  It is the catalyst that starts you into understanding, for a boy, what women are all about.  You learn right then and there that they will always have a certain level on control over you.

The second important “first” in my life, chronologically, is my wife, Naty.  That moment when we were sitting in the little restaurant in Solvang and I looked at her and like a flash, I no longer saw her as just a girlfriend.  I saw the woman that I loved and knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and with that same giddy, heart-thumping joy that I felt with the first kiss, I remember taking Naty’s hand and telling her I loved her.  I had uttered it a few times in passing before, but this time I knew I meant it will all my heart and soul.  The beautiful thing about it is that I still do today.

Other, less important “firsts” I can think of:

  • The first time I got in a fight.  November 1986 – Got my ass kicked and was also the first time I tasted my own blood, my first black eye and the first time I remember pure visceral rage.
  • September 1986 – First time I remember that I swam.  Drill Instructor pushed me into the pool with my pack and rifle.  I do not remember the swimming part, but I remember climbing out of the pool sputtering and coughing.
  • The first time I thought I was going to die…  When I was learning how to climb and the rope I was using broke free and I slid thirty feet before the guy teaching me was able to stop me.  That was also my first talk with G-d, whomever I thought they might be.  😉
  • The first time I got kicked in the balls.  It was in 1976 on the playground at Plantation School in Bakersfield, Ca.  I cannot remember his name, but I remember his brother was named Lee.  Grrr…
  • My first “Crush”…  Jamie Maxwell.  We were in Second grade together.
  • The first time I realized I was smarter, in certain things, than my mother *sometime in 1980*…  The only reason that stands out is because I tried to prove in…  Parents do not like it when their twelve-year-old tried to make them look dumb.  🙂
  • The first (and last) time I told my mom to go F*** herself, when I was 16.  My jaw still hurts from that one.
  • The first time I felt true loss… when My Great Grandmother died in 1976.  I sat in the living room closet for hours.
  • The first girl I acted like an idiot to try and impress, that would be Christy, in… Grade school, Junior High and High School.  What can I say… hormones were not good to me.
  • The first true friend I ever made, Grant.  I called him “Laughing Boy” during Freshman lunch in 1982, he punched me in the chest and knocked the wind out of me.  Been friends ever since. Go figure.
  • The first time I realized how short life can be… February 27, 1991.  My Father Died at the age of 53, not a day goes be that I do not think of him.
  • The first time I realized that I turned out a lot better than many others I went to school with expected me to… July 2006… 20th South High School reunion.

There is no order of importance to the bulleted list above… they are things that I think of as being events in my life that made me who I am today.  We are all products of those events that shape and guide us.  The “Firsts” are the most important, though.  They happen to you and you learn through them.  Sometimes good things, sometimes bad things.  But they are the mosaic that makes us who we are.

I would like to encourage you, the readers, to share your firsts with me and the world.  Be as detailed or clandestine as you want.

If I have included your name in here and you wish for me to remove it.  Just say the word and I will.  If you see your name here and want to say hi… by all means, do so.

Making Friends…

As I grow older, I have started paying more attention to things that I used to take for granted… and that is making friends.

I have always been very critical of people… all people.  While some might say this is normal, I would go so far as to say my example would almost be to an unhealthy level.

When I meet a person for the first time, I immediately begin dissecting them.  Their mannerisms, movements, tone of speech, eye movements, etc.  I listen to the stories they tell and, in my mind, begin challenging them for potential realism, validity and probability.  All this in a matter of the first few moments that I have met a person.

Hindsight is always more clear than the vision before you at the time something is happening.  Thus, as I look back, I see many situations where I killed potential friendships before they ever started.  This attitude that I have towards people that I am meeting for the first time was and is unfair to them and to myself.

This has brought me to the point of this post.  A lesson learned, so to say.

  • Accept people for who and what they are.  People are not always going to be what you want them to be, and sometimes the best friendships can be borne from diversity.
  • Listen to what people have to say and take it for what it is worth.  If you do not think that it is the truth, keep that to yourself.  Over time, the truth always comes to the surface.
  • Once a friendship starts, just like a plant or any other life, it requires feeding and nurturing.  You need to make it work.  Don’t assume that “I called John this week, it is his turn to call me.”  That does not always work.  Friendship is a two-way street and takes both parties.
  • Don’t let little things get in the way, and in the case of good friends, nothing is more important.  With few exceptions, all other considerations are secondary to friends.

Making good friends is, in my opinion, not too much different than relationships with your family.  My closest friends ARE part of my family.  In my life, the few friends I have, and they know who they are, are every bit as much a part of my family as my Mom, Sister, Brothers and Wife.  There is little difference to me here.

Some friends you make will not be as close as others.  You will learn to keep them, without letting them KNOW this, at various distances from you, emotionally.  This is not to be callous or mean, but because there are times when you can feel that a person is responsible enough to handle that level of closeness.

There are times, also, that you need to let them go from your life because they become vexacious to your soul and your family.  There is one case where I have done this and the reason was because the path he had chosen led to the loss of his family and drove his friends away.  Even though it was his own fault, it was one of the harder things I have done in my life.  Telling a person to not be a part of your life when you have known them since high school is difficult.

All this being said, my newest goal is to teach myself to be less critical of people.  To try and make more friends and be a better friend to others.  To stop trying to find a reason to NOT make a person a friend, as I tend to do with my mental dissection of those I meet.  I do not expect this to come to me overnight, but I do want it to happen.

I hope that you appreciated my sharing this with you.  I hope that you have something to add, as your comments are always welcome.

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