The SamuraiMarine

Thoughts, Philosophy, Life and Love

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Traveling

Since I will be moving soon, I thought I would write a piece about traveling and writing.

Just to be clear, this is Debs that will be moving, not your illustrious host, so that way you should not be sending Samuel any emails asking when he is moving.

have traveled a lot through my young life, I will not mention how many years that will be here very soon, but it has been a lot and in that time I have learned a lot about the lifestyle.   It is not a lifestyle for everyone and many cannot handle it.  I know that even I, raised in a military family and then a roving soul myself, have started to grow weary of not having a place to call my permanent home.

As I get ready to pick up sticks and move to Ft. Lauderdale, I am thinking that I would like for this to be my last move.  I find myself with a person that I might like to settle down with and to a city, so I am told, is great for raising a family.   I find myself looking back at all I have seen and all I have done and feel empty.

It is not because I do not like all that I have seen and done.   I have enjoyed life and shared my tales with many through my writing.   But most of the time it has been through the voices of other names.  Like the one I am using now, I have never been myself when I share these tales.  So you might say that I have been living other lives and other voices.

The chance I am being given will allow me to tell my stories and experiences through my own voice and with my real identity.  Unfortunately I will not be sharing that name here, so do not ask.  It will be a writing position where I will have a desk for the first time in my life that is not in my own house.   I will have people wandering aimlessly around me with that same blank, lost expression that people tend to get when they are in a cubicle farm.

I am not belittling the new role I will have, in fact the feeling of having an office or cubicle is so rereshing to me that it is exciting.  I will have a new, refreshing, level of monotony in my life, a regularity that I have not had before.  I will not have to always search for something to write about, many times it will be handed to me.

I will miss writing things like this, and who knows…  Maybe I will hand a story to Samuel from time to time and have him post it.  We shall see.

I have two more articles in my commitment to this site and I am going to make them good for you guys.  But I would like to, before I forget, thank Samuel for letting me be apart of this and best wishes to Rian, his other writer.

 

Aging and looking back

As I approach the big “Five-Oh”, I find that I am more reticent to talk to others about my experiences and the things I have learned along this path that is life.

Thankfully, some of the people that I have around me that are younger than I either appear to be somewhat interested in what I have to say to them, or are very good about feigning interest and putting up with me, so as to prevent, or hope to prevent, me from doing like others do when then reach my age and started repeating the same stories.

But in talking about the past, I find it easier to deal with some of the things I feel are coming up in my future.  I also find myself realizing all the mistakes I have made in the past and how, one way or another, they seem to have had an affect on my person now and who I have become.

In my lifetime I have done some truly inspirational things.  Most of these did not seem that way at the time and rarely were they anything that had any benefit to me, but the fact that I did them at all helped others and impacted others lives.  Likewise I know that I have done many despicable things.  Some of these were done in ignorance and others as acts of malice with the sole intent of harming another person or people.

But both the good and the bad made me who I am now

, and as such I wonder if any of those things were changed… would I still be the same person I am today?

Am I a good person?  People tell me I am, mostly people that I love and I assume love me.  I do not look at myself and say, “Sam, you are a good person.”  That has never been the type of person that I am.

I will leave it for those that come after me to decide if I was a good person or not.   I think that it shows a level of conceit for a person to profess themselves to be good.  I think that the true measure of how good you are is based on the hearts and lives you have touched.  The memories we leave behind are the ultimate proof of how good we are in life.

Thanks for your readership.

 

Dealing with hatred…

How do you deal with hatred?

I have an issue in my life where, for the past few months my hatred for what a person has done to me has consumed me.  I cannot say that I hate the person, I am certain that in their mind their actions were, in some juvenile way, appropriate.

The sad part, in my book, is that this experience has set me back several years in personal development.  It is not easy for me to open up and make friends, it never has been.  I have always been too critical of people, always expecting them to screw me in some way, shape or form.  I know this is a protective measure that has, over the years, become a neurosis and a personality flaw, it is has protected me.  In a manner of thinking, there is now a little voice in my head saying, “See… we told you so…”

But hatred…  that is an emotion I do not like to feel and it drains me… grates on my being…  pulls me down.  Hatred, for me, has always been a trigger for depression.  When I feel it, it consumes me so that I end up not practicing my routines that keep me from feeling down and out.  I have never really been GOOD about handling hatred.

My first response is to lash out at people, if possible the person that triggered it.  That not being an option here and actually not being a logical or smart way to handle it, the next option would be to talk it out with the person in question… that, too, is not an option given the circumstances.

So what do you do when there is not outlet, no solace, no way to clear the air?  (No… seriously, it’s a real question… not rhetoric.)

I know that we all hate from time to time.  We all have things which we are exposed to that cause us pain, frustration, hatred, disappointment, etc…  Things that make us want to lash out, to cry, to scream, to want just go sit in a dark room for a few years.

So… tell me your stories… or examples and if you have something that you would like to share that you think is a magic bullet for such things, do share.

 

SamuraiMarine Blog celebrates it’s 10th Anniversary.

 

The SamuraiMarine Blog is ten years old today.

Ten years ago today, I started the SamuraiMarine Blog on the Google Blogging system and hoped for the best.   That was September 7th, 2005.

 

Letting go…

“Forgive Punish Signpost Means Forgiveness Or Punishment” by Stuart Miles @ FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

“Forgive Punish Signpost Means Forgiveness Or Punishment” by Stuart Miles @ FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

Why do we hang onto things emotionally?  It would be nice to say that I am the only one that does this, so think that somehow I am the strange one and am the exception, not the rule.  But I know I am not.

There is so much baggage that we carry with us through our life.  Most of it is small things, like the embarrassing moments that we experience that causes us to feel stupid, or the times we lose our temper at the wrong time and make a spectacle of ourselves.

Understanding that we cannot go back through time and take it back, understanding that there is nothing we can do about it once it has been done, we should be able to take the lesson learned from whatever happened and move on, eventually accepting what what we did was dumb, embarrassing, painful, libalous, etc…

So I would like to ask, in this short piece, what do you do to get over it?

If you are one of those, like me, that does not get over it, or not easily anyway, how do you deal with the mental baggage that you collect through your life?

Thanks for reading.

An open letter to parents…

An open ended letter from teenagers to parents.

Speaking as a teenager these are some things that I believe all teenagers want their parents to know, however they have no clue how to tell them. I, myself, am a 17 year old woman, and about to begin my senior year of high school.

That being said here some things kids my age want you to know.

1.  We do think about college. And yes, we know how important it is for us to go college (and a good one).

We are scared about it. Nothing is as scary as the unpredictable future. Looking at colleges is scary, you’re going to be sent to someplace where you know maybe one person, and that’s if your lucky. We will be in a new town, maybe even an entirely different state. This is the first step to becoming an adult; maybe not legally, but mentally. Our first step to becoming independent. And you think you’re the scared?

2.  When you give us advice, we actually do listen. There is a very good chance we don’t understand it and might think that you’re full of it, but we still hear what you say.

This advice is important because we will know it when we need it. So even if we roll our eyes at you, NEVER stop giving us advice. We are young and have no idea what life is going to throw at us, help us be ready to catch whatever we get pitched.

3.  Senior year is going to be an emotional time for us…

Everything we do this year is the last time we will get to do it during our high school years. That is a scary thought. We have had certainty for the last 3 years and now there is this big mystery box in front of us. And we have no idea what we should do with it.

4.  This is our decision. Its for us to decide please don’t push us to do something we don’t want.

This is a note for the parents who think their kid is making the wrong choice. We don’t even know what we want, but we are going to make the best choice for US. Not for you, not for my favorite aunt, not for the best English teacher in the world. For ME. You might think our choice is stupid, but it’s our choice to make, so let us make it. Even if we do mess it up it’s something we can learn from.

5.  Even though we wish you could, you can’t protect us or bail us out all the time now.

There will be times when we need your help, but you can’t let us run to you every time something bad happens. You have to let us learn to do things on our own.

“Smooth seas do not good sailors make”

6.  Last but not least, We love you.

We are crabby ass teenagers who have a funny way of showing you that we care but never doubt for a second that we don’t love you. We will fight in the future as we have in the past but never once doubt us. We can always count on you to give advice the best you can.

So to the parents thank you for putting up with boring high school sporting events, award ceremonies, choir and band concerts, baking crazy amount of cookies at the last minute, teacher conferences, and for the funding to go on crazy school trips. It didn’t go unnoticed like you might think. So please be easy with us this last, senior, year, cause it’s hard for us too.

 

Changes to come

 

With the blessings of the Samurai, I have come up with some ideas that I will be rolling out on the site to help it out.

Without emasculating the SamuraiMarine style here, I would like to see if there are any women out there that read this site and if so, what they have in mind.  What they would like to see on this site.

So Ladies?   What do you have for me?

HMU, Girls!!!

Greets to the Samurites

Howdy lovelies…

I would like to introduce myself.

I am Deborah Razzner and I have been invited to take the reins as an administrator on this site.  I have been reading it a while and emailing with the Samurai himself for some time… so when he offered me this chance, I could not say no.

Well, I guess I could have, but where’s the fun in that.

So…  I am here now and you can expect to see me on here writing from time to time and I will be taking a role in reading emails and comments from the community at large.

Again… Thanks Samurai for inviting me and I look forward to many years joining in the fun!!!

Writing – My Friend, My Foe

 

I like writing…  most of the time.

I hate writing… some of the time.

Since I was very young, I have liked telling stories.  I can remember making up stories about spaceships and monsters and telling them to whomever would happen to be willing or captive to me at that time.  Most of the time the unfortunate victims of my stories were my family.

Of all the people that listened to my stories, it was probably my mom that was the most supportive of my efforts.  Maybe she saw something in me that needed to be fed or nurtured, but she helped me.  I can recall when I was about ten that she bought me a nice laptop desk.  Remember, this was in 1978 and there were no PCs or laptops then. There was good old pencil and paper (my mother did not let me use pens until I was older because she felt that pens were too permanent and you needed to be ready to edit.)

When I was a little older, she gave me her Sears electric typewriter.  It was a huge beast weighing in at at least forty pounds.  I would sit and bang on that thing all night, if I were given the chance, and some times I did.  I can recall one night I was typing and then  I heard this banging on the wall.  Turned out it was about two in the morning and the wall my desk was against was where the neighbor’s bedroom was, and apparently he was not pleased with my burning of the literary midnight oil.

To date I have yet to have anything published in the mainstream.  I have a couple items on Amazon and am working on several more that I plan to flood Amazon with here in the near future.  But I am not a person that you would walk into a Starbucks and drop my name and see anything more than a confused look.  You will not walk into your nearest Barnes and Nobles and see my stories anywhere.

But I keep writing.   I do it because it is almost an addiction at this point.  I keep a laptop with me most of the time and a recorder with me often.  If I am not in a position to write down an idea, I will make an audio recording that I can go back to at some point in the future.  I am feeding the addiction, but it is one that I am mostly proud of.

It is not easy to do what I do, at least not for me.  I can write for hours and most of the time I will walk away from my work feeling like I have accomplished something.  Then there are the times that I will write for hours and look at what I have put out and think, “What in the hell was I thinking?  What is this S**t?”   But I never delete my work, at least not anymore.  I only did that a couple times and trust me, that is a pain worse that the realization that what you wrote may be on par with Mailer or McGonagall.

But in light of all this comes the realization that though my love of writing, I may have created a prodigy.  My son, who is only four and a half as of my writing this, has the talent of the tale.  He will sit and talk to us about zombies, monsters, spaceships and anything else that is going through his little imagination at that time.  For his age, he is a pretty skilled storyteller too.  When he tells his tales, he is very animated and he stories are extremely descriptive.  He will go into details about the people, characters and locations when he is telling you these tales.

It is my hope and fear that he will be, as I became, and aspiring writer.  Someone that shares the gift of storytelling with those around him.  I only hope that he is more successful at it than am I.

So keep your eyes out for stories from my son… Gideon S. Wright, due in your local book stores in about fifteen years.

 

Why do we fall in love?

 

Love is a strange thing.   It is wondrous, joyful and one of the most beautiful feelings you can have.   It can motivate you, drive you to levels you may not be able to acheive on your own and it can push a person to live a better life than the would have otherwise.

But love can hurt.  Like when the time comes for your child to leave the house, or when someone you love has to leave, either by design or by chance.  Or when a loved one passes on and leaves us behind to try to fill in the empty void that was the place that once held their presence.

One might think that it is easier to not love at all when you think of the pain that comes from the loss of a love.  That the emptiness in your heart and life are just not worth the effort of having someone there to begin with.  You might also think that maybe love is some cruel joke that life plays on us, to give us that beautiful feeling that lifts your heart and makes you feel like you can do or be anything, but then it can be so easily dashed away…  leaving you so hurt and vulnerable.

Why is it that we succumb to something that can leave us so vulnerable, so weak, so open to attack?  How is it natural for something that cannot be seen, touched or tasted, at least in the purely literal sense, to lay us open like a knife plunged into our stomachs?  Why is it that when we feel the heartache of a love lost, we still take a chance and do it again and again?

But with all the broken hearts I have had in my life… with all the pain and burden I have felt as the result of love over my many years, I would not change a thing.  I would not wish any those emotions away or to have never been.

Even with the pain, with the sorrow, the gut-wrenching agony of the loss, the love was something beautiful that will always be a part of me and will always give me some pleasure in its memory.  When I do think back on those loves, I will enjoy the memory and, to a lesser extent, will relish the pain that is there too.

So…  here’s to love and the ones we offer it to, for the better or the worse.  May we never forget how to love and never be afraid to open our hearts to others, even if there is a chance of it happening again.

“Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all”     -AL Tennyson

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